Updated: Oct 24, 2019
Sometimes in life, and in business, it's easy to fall into the trap of saying yes to something that isn't quite right. That doesn't align with our values. That undermines what we are about, or our experience, passions, skills and identity.
Why do we do it? Sometimes its out of fear that we are't good enough. Sometimes it's out of a desire to prove ourselves as we feel like we're not yet good enough to recognise or charge our worth.
Often, its because we have LOW SELF WORTH and we allow others to disrespect our boundaries, allowing us to accept shitty behaviour that we know deep down we shouldn't. Poor self-worth is what traps us in bad relationships, has us seeking validation, and causes us to feel so devastated and broken when things don't go our way.
But the damaging thing is, the minute you negotiate your self worth and accept less? You say to the universe that you don’t deserve any better.
So how do we turn the tables on this and start recognising our worth and value? How do we build our self estee establish healthy boundaries, and start projecting confidence in what we do and our unique gifts?
Images by Killer Queen Creative. Model: Storm Crystal Brooks
Here's a little list I've compiled of strategies that can help.
Schedule a date with yourself.
Time to get reaccquainted with YOU, away from the noise and the constant demands of life. Put some time aside just for yourself on your calendar every week- it's important and it's a must do. Schedule something just for you and don't be afraid to be a little selfish.
Have strong boundaries.
You have standards and boundaries for a reason. You deserve better and you know it - so demand it.
Prioritise your needs and your emotions and do not assume responsibility for someone else’s needs and emotions. Don’t allow yourself to be pressured or guilted into doing things you don’t want to do.
STOP trying to please everyone and stop settling for less than you deserve.
If you don’t value yourself, then you will always be attracted to people who don’t value you either. Only insecure people put up with treatment that is unacceptable, in large part because they feel that that’s what they deserve on some level. Don' be afraid to walk away when something isn’t working and trust yourself to sense when a situation is damaging. When you learn to value yourself, you will weed out anyone who doesn’t truly value you.
Don't let others knock down your self esteem.
When you have low self-esteem you often don’t trust your own judgment, don’t trust your gut instincts, and are afraid of being wrong. As a result, you may look to others to guide you along the right path and be riddled with anxiety.
This does really shit things to your sense of autonomy, which is also a key element of healthy self-esteem. So work on building your self-esteem up and do NOT let anyone rob you of one INCH of it. If someone you know tries to downplay your accomplishments or knock you down when you're doing well, it's a giant red flag to get them out of your circle before they do damage.
Recognise the difference you make, to your community, to your friends and your family.
Take some time to evaluate you and celebrate all you accomplish. Know that you are loved and loveble! When you know your value, you will confidently approach life with full belief in your knowledge, skills, and experience and the difference you can make.
Do not undercharge for your services
When you pitch for new business, believe that you have sufficient experience and have the qualifications, case studies, and testimonials to back it up. You don’t need another certification, course, degree, or further experience for validation before you feel you are good enough. You simply are.
Be clear about your values and your purpose.
Know your value and don’t accept being treated in a way less than you deserve. Be clear about what is acceptable behavior, how you like to be treated and spoken to, and have the courage to speak out when necessary. You don’t need external validation to prove your value —trust your internal compass of what is right and wrong.
Stop compromising yourself and your identity for people who don't really give a shit about you
You shouldn't have to compromise an INCH of your identity, make room or shrink yourself down to fit someone into your life - relationships and friendships aren't supposed to be like that.
Believe that you are good enough.
Ask yourself this question: If I valued myself more, what would I do in this situation? Who would I be and what would be the first step I would take in asserting my self-worth?
By understanding YOUR value, you are able to add value to your clients and provide a better service to them.
You are a value to those around you; at work, at home, and in your community. Remind yourself EVERY DAY that you are worthy.
Image by Killer Queen Creative. Model: Storm Crystal Brooks
x KILLER QUEEN